Today just started wrong. In fact last night ended wrong.
I had a late night work call that went on till 11.30 in the night. My phone that is scheduled to go into ‘Bedtime’ mode at 11 pm, was dark and I should have set the alarm and put it away. But once I have the phone in my hand and my kid’s asleep, who would stop me from binge watching ‘another episode’!
I slept badly with horror dreams of the show and some very random relatives who had invited me for lunch and I couldn’t remember if I was supposed to address them as “Mausi” or “Chachi” or who is your husband’s old neighbor’s sister’s daughter to you again?? Plus my kiddo kept pulling my sheets and slept all night with the full weight of her legs on mine crossed over!
In all, when I woke up, I looked like this
and I felt so angry with myself for being addicted to the phone! I got off chats and instagram to keep off the phone and got stuck to Netflix and Prime! Uggghh get a grip woman!!
To add to that, my work routine changed a bit – Work started late, I could not complete my work out and it looked like we were going to miss my dear friend’s dear daughter’s birthday.
This last one was a real bummer. Despite it being a weekday and the distance I was going to make it and hug our little girl and the kiddos would have loved to be together
I was very upset at the confusion caused making us miss this special day. She seemed to have a valid excuse and I could not vent out to her. Did not seem fair. But I was upset.
Then, by the grace of all the wise words I have been listening to over the past few years – I stopped for a second, and listened. My friend was telling me her mother was so unwell that she had fallen unconscious. She was to start radiation today.
How self absorbed could I be! Maybe my friend made a mistake in planning, I am sure the kids will be heavily disappointed. But I had to remind myself of the bigger picture – I am alive, I am well and so are most people near and dear to me. I have the faculties and strength to plan a meet up next weekend when so many people in the world may not have a single day more to live!
I might feel exhausted today, but I am not dead!
Life has handed me lemons and do you know how many delicious treats you can whip up!!
So….what’s my method? Here it is
I want to be happy
Or at least in a state of balance. I know when I am balanced I am able take rational decisions, be productive, be available to my family and also solve my own problems.
But it is very important to WANT to be happy. I know I went through a phase when I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could be miserable in peace.
It’s ok to be miserable or go through any and all emotions, but it is best to return back to a state of balance when you can.
I am grateful for what I have
I am alive, I am healthy and quite fit, I have a beautiful daughter, I have a reasonably non – dumb non – crazy family, same goes to a bunch of dear dear friends I can count on. I have a home where I feel safe and warm, I am well fed. I am really grateful for what I have!
I know my pattern
Despite all the books and learning, I still don’t control my thoughts and myself all the time. I have long or short bad phases from time to time. But I do know one thing – I have a switch – a switch that says “Ok, the tunnel is about to end, you are now in charge”. This is probably some form of an emotional survival instinct.
Sometimes it takes a few days and sometimes a few hours depending on how badly I am attached to a particular ‘bad’ situation. But it almost always comes. BUT it only comes through because I want to survive – In fact I WANT TO THRIVE!
I bring my attention to today, to now
I clean up my desk, I hug our pets, I workout, I shower, I turn on some music, zone out everyone & everything. I especially zone out any noisy chatter of my brain “this is urgent”, “Mom must be mad at me”, “but how will I get that done in time”. I zone out the noise of my mind and come to the present moment.
With my day starting badly, I have the choice to fight it or accept it. I also have to choice to allow all of my day to be miserable or set aside my misery for the moment and get things done.
Almost always at the end of the day my mind has cleared, I am calmer and I have better perspective. Plus I feel great that I did not let rest of the day slip away!
Things are usually not as bad as they seem. It is important cut out emotional drama always brewing in the head and be objective. My journey of introspection started a few years ago when I realised every small incident was sending me into an emotional spiral. It would get so bad that I would hide from my family and cry very often. This was not a good or necessary state to be!
No situation should be able to throw me off balance for too long. No one should be able to effect my peace of mind. I should not let my thoughts run me. I am going to make a fresh start
The world is beautiful, and if you have your health you really have nothing else to worry about.
Cheers and love
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MY HAPPY TRYBE 
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